The Power of Habit

In any endeavor needing change it is imperative we develop a sense of awareness about it. A sense of what has gotten us to the place we stand. Perhaps with a bit of detachment like an outside observer looking at our life. That's difficult to do at times (especially with the issues that trigger our fear) but an important skill to practice as we contemplate the concept of change. It's a way to shed light on the parts we may ignore, deny, or quite simply be unaware of. So with this idea of awareness in our midst let us look at an element which may be evident in our lives and a sticking point as to why we keep manifesting the same thing even when we desire change.

Habit. How much of your life is habitual? Personally speaking,  I am a creature of habit. Astoundingly so. Every morning  I have coffee (black please) in a certain chair (that sticks out just so), I  read a certain inspiring book and then the paper. I have a routine for the way I wash my face, my hair, the dishes. I habitually feel insecure at certain times and  habitually cope with those feelings in a habitual ways.

"A habit is something you can do without thinking - which is why most of us have so many of them." ~Frank A. Clark

Habits are the things that we do without much conscious awareness. It’s where we are on auto pilot. We’ve all had that weird sensation of diving to work and then not remembering the drive to get there. That’s habit. And from a biological perspective we create the groundwork for our habits in our brains. We strengthen (and even create) neuropathways in the brain by repetition until it becomes second nature. Until we don’t have to consciously think about it anymore. Until it becomes habitual. Think of a child learning to walk. At first they work endlessly. It’s a marriage of balance meeting gravity. They teeter on the edge of  falling, gripping the edge of a table. They stand. They wobble. Then it’s a quick step forward. Then another. They fall down and try again and again. Repetition. While their brains are mapping the motions, forming neurons, creating pathways. After awhile they just walk; forgetting how hard  it was. Walking  becomes habit. And from this  perspective our habits can certainly help us, even empower us. We walk to get places, to explore life around us. We walk for fun or sport. Walking serves our greater good  just as some habitual patterns accomplish the task of taking care of life’s details we may not want or need to focus on. But this is where a discussion of habits gets  into sticky territory because much as they give us necessary respite from mundane necessities they can just as easily propel us onto the path  of unconscious  existence. When our  habits become the propelling force of our lives not our genuine expression. When we feel like we are on auto pilot much of the time. When change feels impossible we can begin to feel uninspired, stagnant, and powerless. Habit becomes a blinding loop wherein we fall deeper and deeper into a path of unconscious repetition. Habits can begin to define us and at the same time negate us. Over time we lose ourselves to the habit.

"To fall into a habit is to begin to cease to be."  ~Miguel de Unamuno

Just as we can forget that drive to work we can habitually grab that bag of chips when we sit down to watch TV. We can habitually light that cigarette after dinner. We can habitually yell at our kid for forgetting their homework again. We can habitually get frustrated with our partner for not giving us what we want. We can habitually say no when we might need to say yes or yes when we need to say no.  We can say we will change, quit, do something tomorrow for the hundredth time only to do the same thing the next day.

The question is - is what your doing working? Really? Is your habitual habit effective at all for creating the life you desire? You may think you’re right, vindicated actually, but that means nothing if what you’re doing isn’t working. Because the very definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. But habit keeps us doing the same thing. It keeps us in the past, repeating, repeating, repeating. It’s madness. And we wonder why we are frustrated, depressed, or unwell.

"The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken."  ~Samuel Johnson


So a key step to change is awareness. Right now. What is habitual about that thing you want to shift (remember in the last blog you picked one)?  Put the spotlight on it. Has in become a blinding loop of habitual response that you have lost creative power to influence because it is so deeply ingrained in your psyche and out of your conscious awareness?

Question your habitual nature. Bring it into the light. Ask…

• When did it start? Where did you learn it? Was it your parents before yours?

Maybe your parents smoked cigarettes, or ate compulsively.  You learned by example that these were acceptable coping habits, even associated them with love and acceptance. You take that habitual signature with you. Perhaps you learned to habitually deny your feelings because the family you grew up in didn’t support it. The familial understanding was such that “we don’t talk about our feelings.” So you learned not to and habitually you still don’t. Now you have denied your back pain right into a slipped disk. Or denied your authentic voice right into depression. Find the source of your habit and what it tells you about your history.

•  How does it serve you/ How does not?

 Every habit starts out by serving us in some way. Seriously. We all get a pay off from habit. Perhaps you started shopping because that was bonding time with your mom. It represented acceptance, love and camaraderie for you. Then it became habitual and now when you feel down you go straight to the mall and you have the credit card bills and stomach pain to prove it. Perhaps you grew up in a household that was chaotic, even abusive, and you had to “check out” emotionally or mature quickly to handle the situation. That was necessary for your survival. But as we know repetition births habit and you now still “check out’ or micromanage the world around you now, which certainly doesn’t foster wellness or healthy relationships. What started out as healthy isn’t so much now.  To change a behavior it helps to understand the pay off.

• Do people around you have the same habits?

We tend to attract what we ourselves embody. Look around you. If you see a lot of people with habitual anger issues ask yourself if you habitually (perhaps unconsciously) rise to anger or are attracted to chaos on some level. If you often think you’re children are “not living up to their potential” or “don’t have any focus” ask yourself if you are or if you habitually seek the easy way out. When desiring change it is helpful to look at the people around us as mirrors to get more understanding about ourselves.I am just going to say it. Everything. Every little or big thing we don't like or cannot accept or judge about someone else is a part of ourselves we are not able to accept. Sit with that for a minute. When you point a finger at someone there are 3 fingers pointing back at you. It's tough stuff but a blessing as well. Our greatest teachers are the people in our lives because they show us clearly (if we are looking) what we are really  thinking about ourselves.

• What do you habitually say/think about your issue? Do you have excuses for it?

This is a big one, and one that I plan to focus on in later blogs. We tend to get lost in our negative self talk and excuses. In fact, they are also habitual. We often repeat the same excuses over and over again.  “I can’t stop smoking/drinking/shopping/eating donuts now there’s too much  stress in my life”. “It’s not my fault it’s genetic.” ‘I’ll stop tomorrow”. “I’m not really hurting anyone“. “I had a hard day I deserve it“. “I’ll only have one”.  “I have no will power”. These are the repetitive thinking patterns that keep us in the blinding loop of unconscious habitual response. 

 So this week notice what is habitual about the issue you are choosing to shift.  Bring conscious awareness to the parts that are used to being overlooked. Question your issue. Get to know it. Shed light on it. Write about it. Talk about it. That is how we take our power back. That is how we develop the courage to change. In this moment. Then the next moment. Then the moment after that. When we face our habits we can decide what do do with them. We can take our creative power back. We can decide to change them. We can allow our habits to teach us what we need to know about ourselves so we can grow. Because this is the best part about habits. We have a choice to change them. The good news is we can effect change on any situation we do not like in our lives. Anything.  We can choose another way at anytime. Now is the moment you can change everything.

"You can’t drop concepts. You can only shine a little flashlight on them as you do inquiry, an you see that what you thought was true wasn’t. And when the truth is seen, there’s nothing you can do to make the lie true for you again."
~ Byron Katie 


As always I encourage feedback (comments, questions, etc.) via the comment box or my email...
Next week we go further on our journey of discovering change….stay tuned.