Gratitude...or not?

'Tis the season of  gratitude. And I do attempt to practice being grateful a lot of the time but honestly I can say it's difficult. Life often seems to get in the way. It's the little things like making breakfast, doing laundry, going to the grocery store,  where I find myself on automatic pilot and not even being remotely grateful. Not noticing all the moments for which I should simply say "thank you". And yes, I know that our greatest teachers are the people and situations that most annoy us. Yes, I know the greatest lessons in life are the ones that often bring us to our knees. I know that cultivating a attitude of gratitude creates more abundance in my life. I know all that. And I try. I really do.And often I truly succeed and those moments are indeed miraculous. Somewhere, thought, in the hustle and bustle of the daily grind, the struggle of control vs allowing, gratitude seems to often fall by the wayside. And sometimes it's not that I don't remember it's that I'm honestly just not feeling grateful at all...I'm pissed, or frustrated, or sad, or resentful, or afraid.
But there it is.
So, I intentionally carve out time to find it, all the little bits of gratitude I can squeeze out of my day.  To seek it's presence in my life even when I am feeling anything but. So awhile back I began a gratitude journal with the intent to make me accountable for all the things I am grateful for on a given day. Hopefully, bringing light to all the little moments of gratitude in the hopes it's brilliance would be so overwhelming it would permeate my fog of frustration. I think it was originally an Oprah idea and well, look how good she's doing in her life right? Well, what my journal  became was something of a hybrid gratitude journal really, devoid of much of the lofty spiritual truth I thought I would attain, or moments of miraculous epiphanies. I mean I had those moments don't get me wrong, but this journal was riddled with bits of sarcasm and downright resentment at times. I found I was thanking life but often through gritted teeth.  And as I read back over it I realized something. Scattered through the bits of hilarity or absurdness, even frustration, there was a thread of honesty and simplicity.   I was shaking the truths out of the fluff. Looking back I saw the myriad of moments that asked me to pause and take a breathe, forgive, and refocus my attention. Which is the power of gratitude really. To embrace the lessons in our lives just as they emerge. And when done right it has the ability to set us free.
So, in the spirit of thanksgiving. As we peruse last weeks family dinners, crowded shopping malls, grumpy tellers, annoyed children, and dwindling bank accounts. Perhaps you can relate as you, yourself, grit your teeth and utter the phrase, " Thanks?". We may not feel grateful in the moment, or at peace, or even remotely calm. But can we hold that thought, reflect on it, and be grateful for the lesson?
In homage to this season of thanks and the power of gratitude I wanted to reveal some of what I lovingly call my gratitude journal. As real as it is. I hope it inspires you to do the same.

• Thank you yoga class for reminding me life is not about being the best, having the best butt, doing a freestanding handstand but about being present.

• Thank you spider for crawling over my foot and scaring me so bad I spilled all my coffee. I'm think you are teaching me something great but all I can think of right now is "how do i get coffee out of Linen?"

• Thank you son for showing me yet again I know nothing of which I speak.

• Thank you leaves that crunch under my feet for showing me that even as you meet your end you are beautiful beyond measure and that even in change there is some constant. Spring will come, this too shall pass. In ending there is beauty just as there is beauty in beginnings.

• Thank you child of mine for scribbling pencil all over the walls of the house, someday I will laugh at this but not today. Today I clean the walls.

• Thank you for constantly reminding me today, this moment, is the very best. You know who you are.

• Thank you coffee...just thank you.

• Thank you lady at the store who clearly does not have just 10 items in her cart for reminding me to mind my own business.

• Thank you friends that allow me to be just who I am even if that means I'm confusing, or odd, or quiet. You give me the space to grow without asking me for anything. I am grateful for your patience.

• Thank you shiny penny I found on the street today for reminding me abundance truly is all around me.

• Thank you sunset for reminding me to breathe.

• Thank you chocolate (see coffee above)

• Thank you early morning for teaching me time and time again the power of silence.

• Thank you  Dave for always telling me the truth- even when it's not something I want to hear. And for showing me real love is letting go and not holding on. It is faith never fear. I embrace that we are on this path together. It's certainly more fun that way.

• Thank you kitchen aid stand up mixer. I just can't say how much I love you. You make my life so much easier.

• Thank you ocean for reminding me that even if the storm is raging above there is calm somewhere. I may have to go REALLY deep to find it but at least I know it's there.